Confusedly sustainable (or sustainably confused)

Yesterday I was at a meeting of the British Federation of Women Graduates (BFWG) where we tried to decide our priorities for action on the sustainability agenda set by our international organisation, the International Federation of University Women (IFUW) http://www.ifuw.org/programme/index.htm. On Wednesday I was at a meeting to discuss an action plan for my village. Two weeks ago I was at meeting to discuss priorities for the sustainability strategy for Bedfordshire. http://www.idea.gov.uk/idk/aio/4607400 Before that, in Lefkara; two years ago, in Brussels…

I have thought so much about this and confused myself so much that I have reached the point where I don’t know what to do or think any more. I sat dumb at yesterday’s meeting thinking that I should have something useful to say, but not being able to form the words. Everybody seems to be talking, but when it comes to thinking of ideas of what to do, all I can see are the reasons why these things won’t work.

It seems that if we take it from the highest level we come up with fine words, like our Citizens’ Declaration, or the IFUW statement. But if we look at the level for action, we come up against so many constraints and contradictions; things that are dependent on things outside of our control, conflicting priorities, processes that are already so far down their inevitable trajectory that it seems impossible to turn them back.

It seems there are two levers we need to push on to change the world. One is the lever of governance, policies, politics and power structures, to change the way things get organised and done. The other is the lever of individual attitudes and behaviour, persuading people to change the way they live and think and the things they do. Neither of these is an easy thing to change, they are both full of contradictions and conflicting priorities, and the outcomes are never predictable. And they both require powers of persuasion, something I’m not good at and shy away from. I mean, I hate telling people what they should do, I always try to respect the other person’s point of view, and not impose my own. And there is always an ‘aah, but…’ lurking at the back of my mind. I don’t think I am very good at explaining myself. That’s why I don’t say very much in meetings – I am a thinker (and a very confused one), not a speaker or a persuader, and I don’t like to say anything unless I’m 100% sure about it. So I get frustrated, and if I do say anything and people don’t agree or don’t want to hear I get angry, then I get angry with myself most of all and wish I hadn’t spoken in the first place.

Yes, I’m ranting again, sorry about that. I’m hoping something a bit clearer will come out of Brussels and I will be able to see a way forward. In the meantime, I am planning to add lots of links to this blog!